Thursday, 21 April 2016


I have lived in London for well over a year and I must admit, I’m still not very good at it. I’m far too relaxed and never in that much of a rush to push old ladies and children down the stairs just to catch a train. Nothing grinds my gears more than a clean shaven, shiny haired businessman in a suit tearing through Highbury and Islington station to catch a train, there is always another one, never more than 4 minutes away on the Victoria line. I’m too patient, it’s always me that gets run over and trampled by these suits always in a hurry for some reason. I would follow one to find out wherever they’re going in such a rush but I fear I’d never be able to keep up; my run is on par with the top speed of an overweight pensioner.

That said, I sit here in my Holloway flat with a cup of tea quite content with the city I live in, perhaps that’s because I can only see a fraction of it out of the window. I haven’t been pushed down the stairs or hit by a double decker bus in my living room, maybe I should just stay here.

 I do venture outside on occasion, not just the trundling overground commute to Hackney Wick. Today, I went to the British Museum. Having never been before, I was expecting looming, dark domed rooms with dusty books and paintings. There was more stuff than that to my surprise however, as the rule goes, if there’s more stuff, there’s more people (okay, that’s not a rule, simply something I made up to bulk this rambling nonsense out a bit). I looked at some nice statues of mostly naked men holding water pitchers and draping cloths over their shoulders and arms… yet not their willies. I decided to venture into the Egyptian section, it was a bloodbath. There was the original Rosetta Stone there, the source of ancient language translations. Well, I say it was there, I couldn’t see it. There were hundreds of school children and tourists gathered around it frantically trying to take a photograph of it. Is it just me or is that the most ridiculous idea? Do they really run home and show their family what they saw at the museum, it is marvellous but not that marvellous. It’s not something that is different when you take a blurry, out-of-focus photo on your smartphone, compared to say… google images. There’s no need, a photo exists of it already and is easily accessible. They weren’t even taking a pose with the stone, it was just a stone. On its own. The phones might be smart but I’m not sure the people are.

So I quickly got bored of the mummies, the enormous Egyptian statues and the greasy children covered in ice-cream defying, in broad daylight, the ‘DO NOT TOUCH’ signs. It was a stress I didn’t need so I hastily tried to find a part of the museum where there was assured to be no-one there. Lo and behold I descend upon the clocks and timekeeping room. Immediately it was my favourite part of the museum, not just because it was empty and free of human life, there was a remarkable atmosphere in there. All the clocks were functioning, it sounded like the opening to Back to the Future where there were all kinds of ticks, tocks, dings and chimes surrounding me. There were also no statues of Greek dudes with their reproductive organs hanging out, which was certainly refreshing.
I stayed in the clock room for 20 minutes hoping they would all chime at the same time shaking the foundations and shattering all of the glass compartments, it never happened, even the Cuckoo Clock was disabled somehow. Probably to keep the staff from going insane sitting in their little museum chairs watching the world go by, one ice cream spillage at a time.

I promptly left the British Museum, once I found the exit of course, even a geographer like myself couldn't navigate the complicated colour co-ordinated maps and signposts. After a few laps I made it outside into the sunshine. I considered my route home deciding to cut through SOAS and University College London. This is where I noticed that almost every railing in London has a sign attached to it saying ‘Please don’t attach bicycles to this railing’. Until you think about it, those signs are everywhere. Londoners seem very protective over their railings. I like to think of a time where London was like Amsterdam where bikes are chained to essentially every stationary object, lamp posts, handrails… even one of those living statue street performers. Maybe that’s why the tube is so crowded, no-one has anywhere to keep their bike any more so they just put them in the bin and settle for the train instead. Perhaps that well-dressed business man that pushes grannies under buses is just running to unlock his bicycle from the railing before it gets ‘removed’ and tossed on the pile of criminal bicycles in a warehouse somewhere waiting to be rehabilitated. I'm sure they’ll be reintroduced several years from now when they are classed as ‘vintage’ so youthful, bearded, tweed-wearing nonces from East London can tootle around playing unknown folk instruments by the canal. 

Far-out, maaan. 

Friday, 9 January 2015


This time last year I promised myself that I would never work in a corporate call centre job again... Almost exactly a year later I am due to start work in another one. I am regretting it before I have even started.

I'm going to skip over the events of the new year, I will avoid where possible to reflect on the year and come out with some whimsical bollocks about how 'this year is my year' and 'it's a new year, new me'. I hate all of that stuff. If you want to see my reflections on the year, why not just read my posts from the past 12 months and see what I had to say when it was actually happening?

At the moment, on the 9th of January 2015, I am sat with mild hunger, a documentary on Netflix and a cup of black tea with the bag left in. Yesterday, I returned from a trip to Devon and London and upon returning to Crewe, I can't help but think that everything is bollocks. Yep, it's going to be one of those posts where I say 'bollocks' a lot.

Oh, bollocks.

I've gone from one whole year of unemployment, travel, adventure and freedom to starting a job that I hate even before my first day, stuck in a town where there is no room to prosper and a hundred miles from my closest friends (not counting all 3 of my friends up here in the North West). It's bollocks.

I will be worked to the bone for very little pay with hardly any time to be myself, I'll be in 'corporate Rob' mode for most of the week. If you have met me before, you will know that I need at least 50 hours a week to accommodate my endless daydreams and mental adventures about what could be. But I can't have that. It's bollocks.

It's just a great shame that there is so much out there and so much to do in the world, even in this country there are places I haven't see, things that I haven't experienced and I feel like I can't commit to anything until that has happened. In my head it's all going to work out okay and I've just got a bad feeling about the direction I'm in at the moment. I'm going to make a change that I intended to do before I got the willies and ended up living closer to my place of birth than I ever have been before (I live literally just down the road from the hospital).

So I've made myself a promise and a plan. I'm going to stay in this job for only as long as I need to. I'm going to make the penniless jump into living somewhere new and from then on I shall only pursue happiness. I want to work to be happy, not to be economical. You are only as happy as the people around you. To be closer to my family and loved ones is a definite priority for me. So, in the pursuit of happiness, wish me luck!

In other news, here's a list of things that I've done since my last post:

1. Moved into a new house with the 3 of my friends who haven't escaped from Cheshire just yet.
2. Travelled to Devon where I fired a pistol, spent 6 hours in a spa and had a pint in Sir Francis Drake's local pub in Exeter.
3. Caught up with the boys formerly known as Great Man Theory. Drank too much beer.
4. Went to an awesome underground club to watch a skiffle band . Drank too much beer.
5. Decided that I should probably start drinking less beer.

That's all for now. I'll be in tune with you all very soon. Until then, I'll see you when I see you.

Friday, 31 October 2014

I'm An Old Crippled Man On The Inside... It's Slowly Working It's Way To The Exterior

Did you know that having a beard dramatically increases your wood-chopping capabilities? 

I must apologise, that opening sentence has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm about to talk about in the rest of this post. If you are lucky, I may mention my beard however the last time I chopped wood was a complete failure so I won't mention that. I'll just leave it up to your imagination.

So, a few things have happened recently. Firstly, I went to Paris with my beautiful significant other.

Here are some highlights:

  • We went to the bridge from Inception
  • The sun came out just as we were stood underneath the Eiffel Tower and a person pretending to be deaf robbed me of two English pounds.
  • I ate snails: they taste like rubbery, slimy nuggets of golden deliciousness. The weird contraption to remove the snails was way beyond my capabilities though, much like when I try to chop wood.
  • Authentic French wine is much tastier than that £3 bottle of corner shop piss in Newcastle on a Saturday afternoon.
  • Contrary to all the travel guides I researched, the French people were all friendly, smiley and happy to help (apart from the woman pretending to be deaf who took my two pounds).
  • I must be getting old because I don't like pubs with loud music any more. 
  • Notre Dame has a way better view than the Eiffel Tower. Mainly because you can't see the Eiffel Tower when you are stood atop the Eiffel Tower.
  • Paris really is the most romantic city in the world.

The only downside to our little trip to Paris was again a sign of my entrance into old age (Yes, I know I'm only 22 but I'm an old crippled man on the inside, it's slowly working it's way to the exterior). We got a coach to Paris from London, it took a good 10 hours through the night and we arrived in Paris at 9am the next day. It's a nice way to travel, you can look out the window, daydream and be gently rocked to sleep by the rumble of the road. When we arrived in Paris after this hefty journey my legs decided that they didn't really fancy functioning for the next 72 hours. My blood had clotted and turned to a maple syrup type substance and I was slowly solidifying from the inside out. It was agony trying to climb the stairs up the Tower. Especially the everlasting spiral staircases to the top of Notre Dame, totally worth it for the view but my legs tense up and spasm at the thought of it.

I didn't let it get me down and it genuinely was one of the best weekends of my life, I've always wanted to go to Paris every since I was a young lad and now my dream was finally true. I fell for the romance of Paris, drank a lot of red wine and got scammed at the
bottom of the Eiffel Tower: it was exactly like all the literature and poetry has envisioned for years.

So that was Paris. Not much else happened upon our return to London. It was mostly me lying in bed whining that I couldn't walk, demanding cups of tea and cuddles.

Back in Cheshire I nipped out to see Alestorm's Pirate Fest at Manchester Academy 2. It was a superb show, all of the bands were excellent and the bar had Iron Maiden's Trooper Ale so I was very very happy. The only downside was every single other person in the venue was dressed as a pirate, apart from me. I must have missed the memo or it was just a huge coincidence that this is how people dress nowadays. I crowdsurfed and moshed like I was 16 again, it was tremendous fun. I broke my shoes and woke up with a killer headache. Always a sign of a good gig. 9/10.

Lastly, I was invited down to a little village called Wick to put my Grandfathers ashes to rest. There was a lot of family there and it was a really nice event, it was very positive and happy and it was great to see everyone. There were some relatives that I hadn't seen for a good 12 years but they still managed to remember my name even though I was suited and bearded. My memory sadly wasn't as good as theirs but I was only a bairn last time I was there. It was at the house that my Grandmother grew up in. I climbed the trees in the garden in my childhood when visiting there, I learned that when my Father was younger he used to climb the same trees. It was amazing to have such a universal connection to one place. I did climb the tree in my suit when no-one was looking just to be a part of it once more.

I was told many a story from my grandfather's and his children's past in this village and it has seen so many events in time. It all hit home when I looked down to my right hand side at the church and sitting on a bench was my Granddad: in a tiny little box with his name on. It was the most unusual thing I have ever experienced. All I will say is that I was glad to know him and will not forget him. His ashes were buried in the graveyard of a church where my Grandparents were married, my Dad was baptised, my Great Grandmother and Great Uncle both are buried in the graveyard and now my Granddad has joined them, It's kind of sweet in a way.

That's all I've got to say about that, at least I got to catch up with my partner in crime and younger sister Zof. It's always a pleasure. Cheers y'all.

Next up is a month of solid work and job applications. I really need to get into full time employment soon or I will start to rot in this bed like the grandparents from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Friday, 10 October 2014

I'm Hitting the Road! (Plus 5 Random Images)

I'm off to Paris this weekend!! No, not Paris, Tennessee, the real one. I've never been before and I simply can't describe how excited I am. The fact that it's 4am and I have to be up in a bit demonstrates my excitement to a sufficient level.

I have no idea what's going down in Paris. I know I want to go up the Eifel Tower and eat Snails/Frogs Legs, that's about it though. I'm not to fussed about seeing the Mona Lisa either, I'm happy just finding as many venues for consuming French wine as possible.

I'll write a full blog when I get back so you know what I've been up to and how much red wine I drank. Until then, here are a few random images I found floating around the internet that I either found weird or amusing, take a look and I'll see you next week.



In the spirit of Halloween

Old but gold

That's all folks. 

Tuesday, 7 October 2014

Rob Vs. The Internet

I'm sitting at home on this chilly Tuesday evening, seeking out a new way to amuse myself on the internet. In this case, I discovered imgur. Well, I say discovered, I have actually been using it a while to look at mildly amusing pictures and either snigger or just breathe out of my nose harder than usual. I have never posted before and decided to change that today under the premise of ‘how hard can it be?’

I decided to post an image from my previous blog about being colourblind. The one with all the balloons in it. Within an hour the post had 1,500 hits and around 50 upvotes. This excited me, there was a good discussion in the comments, no trolls to be seen and generally a nice vibe. It made me feel good. The hits on my blog also went up as a result of this. Again, further ego boostage.

Getting slightly ahead of myself, I posted another picture, this time of my Yoda tattoo. Now, I think this is a very cool tattoo, possibly the best I have and I’m sure there would be a number of nerds and star wars fans out there that would appreciate it and give me my now-precious upvotes.

At this point I'm totally engaged in the process, I’m hooked, refreshing every two minutes to see if there’s been any changes. In an hour or so, my tattoo had around 600 hits and only 12 upvotes. My stomach turned. “Oh, shit… they don’t like me do they?” I immediately feel as though I am the most annoying human being on the planet. I am hated, I am not worthy of upvotes. Seriously, it did make me feel a bit sick when I started to see negative comments (amongst good ones of course).

Looking back, the comments aren’t very negative at all, just moaning little twats that haven’t got anything better to do (looking at their profiles, it seems that it is literally all they do). One bloke simply said that he didn’t like it, another said that the line work was too heavy (Which it wasn't, the skin was simply fresh after getting it done). So, I overreacted and felt a bit shitty for a while. I still tolerate imgur, though I will try to refrain about exposing myself on a personal level with things that can easily offend me, not that I'm one to get easily offended but I quickly got far too sucked into this.

It makes me feel really bad for everyone who is totally exposed on the internet (I know I’m pretty out there but it’s not on an international capacity). Take YouTuber Charles Trippy for example, he’s recently divorced and is now with someone else, Charles is constantly getting battered by kids on the internet who have absolutely no other agenda but to make him feel like crap by personally attacking him. Even if someone shares their life with you, a 10 minute video every day does not show the entirety of how someone is feeling. The last thing they need is a troll bashing everything they've ever achieved.

Getting bullied online is definitely a thing. I have skin as thick as anything and take everything as it comes but to get shot down when you are simply trying to make the viewer happy is enough to get anyone riled up. It’s definitely enough to make the more sensitive creator out there, depressed. The last thing we want to do is stop people creating! That’s when the bad guys win. When we’re all the same, all quantitative not qualitative.

I know how easy it is to write a nasty comment rather than a positive or constructive one.
Why not try it for once?

Why not make today ‘Positive Comment Day’?

Or you could just simply stop being a dick and find something better to do with your life than put people down. 

Try to cheer someone up instead?

Thursday, 2 October 2014

Stumbling Upon Featuring: Humour, Hunks, Babes and Parrot Metal

Procrastination is a foul demon, sucking life and time from our very existence. It's probably a healthy portion of the 'why I did crap at university' saga but more on that another time. To further emphasise my point about procrastination. It's 3:20am and I can't sleep, would you like to know why I can't sleep? Stumble Upon. Bastards.

For those who don't know Stumble Upon is a site that generates interesting websites based on your interests and activity: the only problem being is that the internet is endless and the 'stumble' button just keeps on giving, like a pot brownie or that kid in The Giver movie thing... yep.

So here we go. I'm gonna pick a few 'Interests' and stumble on each revealing what soul consuming website it reveals to me.

1. Humour 

1.) Someone isn't making the NFL.

Good catch, bro. It seems from browsing this website most of the 'humour' is about kids getting smashed up by stuff, parents getting smashed up by stuff. Generally be prepared to laugh at other people's expense. I don't find this picture particularly funny. I can't catch for shit, in fact this is a fairly accurate representation of how completely cross-wired my hand/eye co-ordination is... (Source)

2. Nature

Ice bubbles on Abraham Lake. It's pretty. That's all I've got. No Eskimo fart jokes? Anyone? Fine. (Source)

3. Tattoos/Piercing

There's something very Monty Python about all of this. I'm not even going to try to explain it. Perhaps it could be a hilarious prequel to the Eskimo fart joke I never wrote?  (Source)


I bloody hate these whimsical bullshit quotes about human essence. Don't get me wrong, I love a good quote, I have several books on them and certainly enjoy writing my own, with every little bit of poignant nonsense that dribbles out of my face. THIS, however is the kind of crap that is just filling up the internet and ruining it. If you're going to be poetic at least try not to be so cheesy.  (Source)

5. Babes

Yes, there is an actual sub heading for babes, plenty of crazy cosplay stuff like this, don't worry though, there's one for hunks too. Gonna go stumble upon a nice hunky bloke for all those who are interested. I was unsure whether to include this section butttt what the heck: I'm exploring Stumble Upon so this is what happens. (Source)

6. Hunks

I'll be honest, I did struggle to find a suitable 'hunk' image whilst stumbling. Probably because I didn't really know what I was looking for. I decided that my best course of action was to look out for someone with a physique that is as close as possible to my own...... and then choose someone who was the total opposite.  (Sauce)

7. Astronomy

Righto, back to the regulars now. Astronomy is a passion of mine and there is LOADS on Stumble Upon, whether it's research articles or just pretty pictures of stars and Brian Cox. It's a great way to learn stuff. Ahh, the GJ1214b exo-planet: So close yet so far.  (Source)

8. Rock Music

Stumble Upon does cater to other genres of music, it's just that this one is particularly stuck in my favourite interests on the site so tough titties, we're stumbling Rock Music. Good luck, it's almost impossible to avoid Nickleback trash but in this particular stumble... I approve. (Source)

9. Futurism

So apparently in the future we all revert back to 60s fashion and wear matching knitwear without any shoes in the car. Sweet Jesus, it's like we are looking right into the future, today. I have a feeling everything post-2019 will have a hugely increased bullshit rating. (Source)

10. Bizarre/ Oddities

Last but by no means least. We are going to end on a weird one today. What'll it be? Paranoid conspiracies? Haunted mansions? Royal family reptilian takeover? Nope, 100 crazy facts that everyone already knows because they've been on the internet since 2005. I will be honest though, I've never heard of Hatebeak... probably for the best. (Source)

So that's it. Thank you for paying attention to my ramblings. At least you had lots of pretty pictures to look at this time. Click 'source' for all of the sources. All images are not my own and belong to the source provided! AWESOME SOURCE! STEAK SAWCE! 

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Don't for get to subscribe by email over on the right or follow using your Google account! Send any suggestions of what I should do next my way on twitter or directly on here. Cheers.

Monday, 29 September 2014

5 Things I Hate About Being Colourblind

So, I am colourblind and have been so my whole life. I don't know anything different so it is rather difficult for me to describe what it is like. Thankfully, with a little bit of research I have found a few interesting ways of demonstrating what it is that I see.

Firstly (and I speak for all colourblind people here), DON'T POINT AND ASK US WHAT COLOUR THINGS ARE!! We are not mentally incapable, we are fully aware that the sky is blue and the grass is green. Sometimes describing colours can be difficult or just plain annoying. I don't like it, every other colourblind person I know doesn't like it, so don't do it. Colourblindness doesn't really work like that anyway.

I never knew I was colourblind until I was about 13 years old, however when I was colouring in at school I'd always colour people odd shades of green, or the sky purple and trees red. It looked fine to me so why was everyone complaining?! I avoided colour everywhere I could, I was perfectly happy with everything being black and white. When we had to do a colour coded mind map in high school my soul was filled with dread. Instead of doing what I was told, I simply made a nice black and white plain and simple bullet pointed list. It's how I prefer it and a much easier way for me to learn... Perhaps that's why I can't get off those damn 'list' websites.

So, here's the deal of it. The below picture shows three images, the one on the far left is for normal vision, all you guys and girls that can see just fine. The middle image is for Deuteran colourblindness, which is when the green light is interfered with, and protan is when the red light is interfered with. Don't worry, I'm not going to get into the science side of things. Take a look:

To me the Protan image on the far right looks exactly the same as the one on the far left (the original, normal vision image). So when you look at the Protan picture, you are basically seeing what I see when I look at the Normal picture. Make sense? I hope so.

This picture amazed me, I show everyone I know and they are really astounded by how differently I see things. It also showed me that there is a whole new spectrum of colours out there that I am unable to access. I can't imagine what certain shades look like, I have no idea what 'Magenta' or 'Beige' is, it's like a totally different language to me

So, now you know what I see. Here are some things that absolutely infuriate me.

1. Bananas

Don't get me wrong, I love bananas so much. The main issue here is that no matter how ripe they are... THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME! Obviously the blackness is a giveaway that's it's okay to eat. But sometimes the only way to find out is to take a bite and break your teeth on a nice (Green?) unripe banana.

2. Geography

I managed to graduate in a BSc. degree in Geography and Environmental Management. I have no idea how I passed when I had to look at maps, graphs and charts like this all day. I know there are a hundred jokes about colouring in when it comes to geography, but seriously, maps were something that I really struggled with. 

3. London

"Yeah, it's easy, just take the District Line" "You mean this brown/green/red/grey one right here?"

4. Cooking

Okay, so I am aware that this particular piece of chicken has not been cooked yet. However, telling if meat is totally cooked through is something I struggle with, the white of the meat against the pink of the raw is really difficult. Don't worry though, I've never been ill or made anyone else ill through my cooking. It's just a bit of a bitch sometime as pretty much everything has to be overcooked just to make sure!

5. Other People

I don't hate people. People are lovely. As I mentioned earlier when it comes to colourblindness, regular sighted people don't often understand what it's like. Now I'm not preaching that it's a disability, or that I should be on some kind of benefits for it, it's just often hard to explain what it's like and it can be a struggle in certain situations. Colour is everywhere, to most people colour is easy but just imagine being confused by colours all of the time. It's annoying and stressful.

There are colourblindness correction glasses in production at the moment, this is brand new technology that has had amazing reviews. I'm saving up for a pair now and I can't wait to try it out and see vibrant colour for the first time! You can check out details for the glasses here:

Thanks for reading, follow me on twitter @RobSteer